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Education

  • mannkm18
  • Mar 12, 2019
  • 8 min read

I don’t have much to say this week, but I will update a little bit and then discuss something that I feel is important. A lot has happened this week, but nothing that I am going to speak of at the moment. My healing however is still going great. My life coach believes I am coming to the last chapter of healing. This is the stage of maintenance, being content, and living peacefully.


My coach believes I’m at this stage because I told her that I think it’s disgustingly sad that anyone could have such horrible, miserable, abusive childhood that it creates them to be such a mean, abusive person themselves. Absolutely no child deserves to be abused or manipulated at all. My life coach told me that when your healing starts to come to an end you find compassion for the person that has hurt you. Don’t get me wrong, I hate everything my abuser has done and the person he is, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad for the way he was raised to become the type of person he is.


I am not going to talk about his childhood because that isn’t mine to share, but from what I do know, I do have compassion for. My abuser is also a compulsive liar, so I don’t know what is true and what is not, and I’m not going to share something that isn’t true. However, in some of the books I have read it states that narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are created from the lack of connection between parent and child in childhood. I do strongly believe that, but I also believe it could be the way some people are born and the chemical imbalances it has on their brain. However, if you have a shitty childhood from the day you are born how are you able tell if it’s from the childhood or the way you were born, I don’t think you can. A baby’s brain isn’t fully developed to know if they have chemical imbalances, so therefor it could just be from the childhood and traumas.


So, yes, I do have compassion for the childhood my abuser had. I am a strong believer that we are products of our environment. I do have compassion, but I also believe that everyone has the chance to be the change. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, however have lived this way for so long that they no longer believe they have a problem and sadly it is incurable. I cannot relate to that because I had a very good childhood, but I have seen firsthand people that have had shitty childhoods and I do have compassion for them. So, that’s where my healing is at!


I do want to mention a few other things before I end this though. There are going to be people that don’t believe you and there are going to be “friends” that are “friends” with your abusers. Its life and people have to figure things out for themselves. A friend and I had a conversation about “friends” being “friends” with abusers and my response was, “Those people can be friends with anyone they want to be friends with, they have that choice, but I also have the choice to not associate with those people.” I have cut many people out of my life, and it doesn’t mean I don’t love and care about them, but it just means that I have had toxic in my life for far too long that I don’t care to have that in my life anymore. You don’t need to feel bad for cutting people out of your life. Put yourself first and realize that cutting toxic people out of your life is a very important part of self-care.


There are also going to be people in society that are also going to think your lying about everything because the abuser seems, “SO NICE.” No shit they seem nice! Do you think people just go around looking for someone that will call them a cunt and punch holes in the car? No, we thought they were nice too, that’s why we fell in love. They people that believe you are lying are the ones that are naïve or uneducated on the topic of abuse. That’s totally fine, I was uneducated on the topic of abuse until it happened to me. However, I suggest that if you know nothing about abuse you either don’t talk about those who have been through it or you educate yourself on the topic because it intimidates other abuse victims from coming out and getting the support they need. Let’s just be honest, abuse normally doesn’t happen in plain sight. My abuser wasn’t going to start punching himself in the face at the gym or screaming that I was a cunt at the coffee shop. A child molester isn’t going to rape a child at the park with other families around. A parent isn’t going to punch their child in the middle of Wal-Mart. Abuse is hidden for a reason, so stop being ignorant to the fact that it’s happening EVERY SINGLE DAY!


I will try my hardest to continue educating people on abuse through my blog and my social media’s, so hopefully eventually other people feel comfortable to come out with what they have been through. I am going to share a few important words and information that goes along with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths.


1. NARCISSITS ARE NORMALLY ALWAYS CHARMING FROM THE OUTSIDE- how do you think they suck people in!


2. THEY ARE COMPULSIVE LIARS


3. NARCISSISTS LACK EMPATHY AND LOVE. IT’S VERY TURE AND VERY SCARY! ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE BASED OFF OF LOVE!


4. Narcissists don’t have true friends. They have a “fan club.” The fan club is constantly changing and it is made up of people who are blinded by shallow flattery. For example, people who think someone is so cool for their materialistic items or can’t see through the bullshit of the “pep talks” or “fake positivity.” Don’t worry; I fell for it once too!


5. Narcissists do something called “hoovering.” It is basically like stalking, it is a tactic used to get back their control or the person they were once with.


6. Narcissists also do something called “gas lighting.” Gas lighting is, “manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.” It a form of brainwashing that they do over their victims to make them believe everything is their fault. It’s really hard to explain, look it up. https://www.google.com/search?q=gaslighting&spell=1&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiP6NHw1f3gAhWBzIMKHV1HBzEQBQgpKAA&biw=1438&bih=685


7. Triangulation- “is a deceitful form of manipulation in which utilizes the assistance of a third party, often without their knowledge, to inflict emotional and mental abuse on their target. Sociopaths, psychopaths, borderlines and narcissists commonly use triangulation. In triangulation, the narcissist will use this third party to discredit or dismantle their target, often by playing the victim themselves and soliciting the third party to appear to support the narcissist’s behavior innocently.” https://mindcology.com/mental-health/3-character-roles-narcissistic-triangulation/ This is basically when an abuser bring another person into the mix to create jealousy and to manipulate.


8. Projection- “the presentation of an image on a surface, especially a movie screen.” Narcissists are huge with projection. They mirror the image and personality of their victims in attempt to suck them in. I thought my abuser was very empathetic, loving, and family oriented. Everything that I was he pretended to be. https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=-jSIXITzKubojwSBgY2QAQ&q=projection&btnK=Google+Search&oq=projection&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0l7j0i131j0l2.644.2887..3038...0.0..0.124.1105.0j10......0....1..gws-wiz.....0.6BGHwDo_K8s


9. Love bombing- “Idealization and love-bombing. ... Love-bombing – the excessive praise and flattery the predator showers on the prey – might as well be crack cocaine. It is a common manipulation used by cults to control their members – and in a relationship with a narcissist, you become a one-man cult.” Most abusers are really good at this tactic! You think that they are your soulmate and then you soon find out that’s not the truth. https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/01/love-bombing-is-crack-cocaine-the-addictive-cycle-of-narcissistic-abuse/


10. Flying Monkeys- “They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose.[1][2] The phrase has also been used to refer to people who act on behalf of a psychopath for a similar purpose.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_monkeys_(psychology) These types of people are usually family members or others that are manipulated by the abuser.


11. Smear campaign- “a plan to discredit a public figure by making false or dubious accusations.” A narcissist cannot handle being found out, hence the reason they only associate with people who are enablers or keep their mouths shut. Once they are exposed the abuser will try and “destroy” the person that exposed their behaviors, which is called a smear campaign. https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=WDSIXLLnNozGjgT5kpuYCQ&q=smear+campaign&oq=smear+cam&gs_l=psy-ab.1.0.0l10.908.2829..4651...1.0..0.118.1073.1j9......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0i131.Sw6R538p1QU


12. Gray rock-“is primarily a way of encouraging a psychopath, a stalker or other emotionally unbalanced person, to lose interest in you. ... Gray Rock is a way of training the psychopath to view you as an unsatisfying pursuit — you bore him and he can't stand boredom.” This is a method of getting out of a narcissistic relationship. https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/


13. Narcissistic supply- “is a concept introduced into psychoanalytic theory by Otto Fenichel in 1938, to describe a type of admiration, interpersonal support or sustenance drawn by an individual from his or her environment and essential to their self-esteem.” This is what I would have been considered in the relationship with my abuser. He was incapable of loving which is why I was a piece of “supply” for him or in other words an object. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_supply


14. Trauma bonding- “occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.” I have explained this one multiple times, but this is how abuser get victims addicted, which is why victims stay as long as they do. This is basically the same thing as the Stockholm syndrome. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding


15. Narcissistic Injury-“is the term used for any threat to a narcissist's outsized ego or self-esteem. Remember that those with narcissistic personality disorder have a distorted sense of their own self importance and consider themselves superior to others as well as entitled to whatever they want.” This is what created them to do a smear campaign. https://www.decision-making-confidence.com/narcissistic-injury.html


16. Narcissistic rage- is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_rage_and_narcissistic_injury


17. Overt Narcissist- An overt narcissist is someone who has NPD which is in the cluster b personality disorder group. They display symptoms and behavoirs that demonstrate the inflated sense of self that they feel. They are grandiose and have exaggerated ego https://www.quora.com/What-is-an-overt-narcissist


18. Covert Narcissist- “While the 'overt is someone who has NPD which is in the cluster b personality disorder group. They display symptoms and behaviors that demonstrate the inflated sense of self that they feel. They are grandiose and have exaggerated ego ensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.” https://medium.com/@meredith_kav/7-characteristics-of-a-covert-narcissist-72754ae31cd9


19. Cluster B Personality Disorder- “Cluster B personality disorders. Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.” These types of people make up 15% of the population! https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463


20. Sociopath- “a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.” https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=JTOIXJeVGKSmjwSSl4e4Aw&q=sociopath&oq=socio&gs_l=psy-ab.1.0.0l10.919.1864..3838...0.0..0.176.577.2j3......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0i131.n315rq5gYW4



These are some very important words that go along with narcissist, sociopaths, and psychopaths. I have done tons of research on these things, which really helped me to understand these types of people better. If you are an abuse victim, a family member of an abuse victim, or judging and belittling an abuse victim I suggest you educate yourself on these things. As you educate yourself more you will learn more words that you had no idea the meanings behind. These are just a few that I could remember at this time. I got the definitions by googling the words, so it’s not very hard to get more information on the topics. I hope my education can help others that are going through similar situations!

My aunt and I in Belize!

 
 
 

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