Empaths and Dating

I always knew I was very empathic, but I never really knew that people could be defined as empaths. The first day back at the gym after I got home from Aruba I had tons of energy and by the next day I was completely exhausted and drained. My life coach told me that some people are more drained by the weather than others, especially empaths. When I was in Aruba I had the urge to want to eat healthy and workout. Since coming home I want to sleep, eat lots of ice cream and crabs, and I have no energy to get through my workouts. I have done a ton of research on narcissism, empaths and mental health. They all somehow get intertwined.

Narcissistic people are known for preying on empaths because empathetic people are basically the complete opposite of what they are. Empathic people also are drawn to helping people and narcissists need tons of help. Since talking to my life coach about how some people are more affected by climate changes I started doing even more research on empaths. I am really not a depressed person, but the weather can definitely make me unhappy and I believe it is more so because I'm an empath versus having a mental health disorder. I will explain what makes me an empath.

First, an empath is defined as "a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual." I have taken many tests on empaths and I have gotten extremely high on all of them. I also took that personality test I talked about previously that also explains some of these things. Here are some characteristics that you can find online for empaths-

Highly Sensitive- I have always been extremely sensitive. Out of my entire family I think I'm probably the most sensitive. Throughout my childhood and still to this day I get told I am. I have always easily cried and still do.

Very Introverted- I am a huge introvert. I have always kept to myself and to this day I rarely start conversations. I have always had a small amount of friends and still do. I have 5 very close friends that aren't related to me. My best friend has been my friend since the day I was born because our parents were bestfriends and 2 of my other friends have been the same friends since middle school. I prefer staying home versus going out and I have ALWAYS been that way!

Very Selfless- I feel kind of awkward writing that I'm selfless because it seems kind of arrogant. I hope that I'm a selfless person. When I was in college my friend and I used to go to the nursing homes to visit old people. I actually wanted to own a nursing home. I also like to volunteer at other places. One of my main goals in life is to go to Africa to go to an orphanage. I always see those pictures or videos of kids in orphanages and I just want to hold them. I also would like to adopt children because I feel like those children need us. If I could have a job cuddling babies in need I would quit my job in an instant.

Connects with others too quickly- I have ALWAYS believed people were good until they showed me otherwise. I honestly had never even seen evil in a person until dating my abuser. I think this is a HUGE reason narcissists prey on empaths. Narcissists mirror our image, so we believe they are kind, loving people and fall for them fast. I did! As you can see from my story though it's not always good to connect with people so fast. Which is something I have to work with.

Too Forgiving- I am extremely forgiving. I always have been. When dating Larry, Arthur, and Dick I wanted to leave multiple times, but ended up forgiving them and going right back. I mean shit, Dick put me through complete hell and I forgave him more times than I can count. Hundred of times would be an understatement. I think one of the reasons I am not so forgiving of him this time is because I have guarded myself and done a ton of research to know that forgiving him isn't in my best interest at the moment.

Put others before themselves- I don't even know how to explain how I do this, I just do. I feel like how can you not put others before yourself especially your loved ones. I know this isn't always a good thing to do which is why I work on self love, but I know my loved ones will always come before myself.

Discovers lies and deceptions quickly- I can always tell one someone is lying, like instantly. It's really kind of weird because I feel a disgusting feeling in my stomach whenever it happens. It physically drains you knowing someone is lying, but you don't want to say something. I knew my entire relationship that Dick was lying to me. I had that feeling in my stomach 24/7, but it was a lot easier to not bring it up than to release the psychopath within him. I am not the greatest at discovering deception as quickly as I am at discovering lying though. Although, I'm starting to get better at reading people. Remember that narcissists and psychopaths are on a whole different level then us. They can make mental health professionals believe their lies and manipulation. Jeffery Dahmer literally drilled a hole in a child's head, put acid or some shit in it, and got away with it. Jefferey Dahmer left the apartment where he had the child. The child was not dead, but delusional from the poisoning of his brain. He stumbled out of the house where the neighbors brought him to cops that were close by. When Jeffery Dahmer got back and saw the child outside with the cop he convinced them that the child was his friend and he had just drank too much alcohol, that's why he couldn't walk. Jefferey Dahmer then took the boy back inside after convincing the police and killed him. So, like I said, these types of people are on a whole other level then us. They are professionals at what they do, hence the reason people actually believe Dick is a good person.

Desire to better the world- I think this has a lot to do with my blog. I like writing my blog to help others in need. I don't think anyone deserves to be abused, so I put this out there to help others who are going through similar situations. I have had tons and tons of people message me, so obviously it's helping some people. Small changes in the world can lead to bigger ones.

Willingness to accept full responsibility- I feel like I have always taken responsibility when needed. I feel like if you can't take responsibility then you're just kind of a shitty person. I hate saying this one because Dick always said to me "I take full responsibility for what I did," but he actually took responsibility for absolutely nothing at all. I took blame for the shit he did just so I didn't have to hear him bitch. Larry one time told me that his friend remembers Dick and I coming into a restaurant with his son and his friend one time and she said we were angry. I specifically remember that time and Dick was being asshole bitching about the service because we were going to be late for a movie. I end up taking blame for it though haha funny how that happens!

Highly Creative- I have never thought I was creative, but writing is actually described as being a creative trait for empaths.

Easily distracted and daydream- I have always been easily distracted, but I thought a lot of it came from my dyslexia. If something is boring to me I cannot pay attention whatsoever. I remember daydreaming a lot through school, but that was very boring.

Absorb others feelings and emotions- I absolutely absorb other peoples feelings and emotions. When someone in my house or work gets angry or sad, I get angry or sad. If someone is sad I will cry with them. I can't even help it. When my nephews were born I cried just seeing and feeling the joy on my sister and brother-in-law. I get obsessive about things too. For instance, that Jayme girl that got kidnapped I obsess over the news articles and videos of her. I remember watching it at the gym on my phone. I always get obsessive about these types of things and I don't know if it comes from my grandmas kidnapping, but I can feel what these people feel.

Difficulty to relax when others are around- I am very bad at relaxing. I always have been. I have to constantly keep moving. I remember Dick took me to a Spa in the Dells for a night and I could not relax at all. I would go from the hot tubs to the quiet room and back. (Don't be fooled he was trying to make up for past bullshit. It was the two days of honeymoon stage that happened every two weeks.)

Dislike selfish, dull, mean people- I mean I think you could read my entire blog and understand this one. I was not raised to be selfish, dull, or mean, so I do not like those types of people. My family is not like that and if I was my mom would have flipped shit. I also cannot stand rude people. It's not that hard to use your manners!

Highly Compassionate- I think I've always been compassionate because I feel I would want someone to be compassionate towards me.

Spend time alone- I enjoy spending time by myself. I don't like being alone, but I like being away from everyone in my house. I have the basement to myself and I like it that way.

Obsessed with order and cleanliness- I am very organized person. Everything has to be specific ways at home and at work. I hate hanging up my clothes, but I do and I also like them color coordinated.

Misused as dumping ground for emotional baggage- I think this one is pretty self explanatory. My abuser has more emotional baggage than anyone I have ever met and yes, I got to hear all about it. I like helping people fix their problems, but I don't like being used by a narcissist who doesn't care about me to do so.

Suffers from fatigue- This is a huge one for me. When I first started going to my old counselor he told me that I was depressed because I sleep a lot. I literally feel best when I get 10 hours of sleep. I could go to sleep at basically any moment unless I'm having nightmares. I strongly disagree that I am always fatigued from depression, but rather because I constantly take on other peoples problems as my own. I think it was dumb of my counselor to instantly say I have depression rather than understanding that I just went through hell and not only carried all of my own issues, but also Dick's. I mentally, emotionally, and physically get drained after putting up with so much.

Overwhelmed in public places- I just don't like public places or crowded places. I have no problem talking to people if they come up and talk with me, but I don't enjoy small talk. It makes me uncomfortable and I get bad anxiety being around a lot of people. I also HATE being the center of attention. Obviously, I like sharing my story on social media and the internet which gets quite a bit of attention, but that's to help others and help me heal. I do not like being noticed in public though. Normally, I wont even talk to people I know at the grocery store. If someone doesn't see me, I will not go out of my way to say hi to them. I'm not rude, I just don't feel comfortable starting conversations with people unless I really know you.

Dislike violence and drama- I think most people dislike this unless your a psychopath.

Strongly connected to animals- I don't care what anyone says, animals do have souls. My dog was my best friend in the entire world. I honestly love animals more than I like most humans. Watching my abuser punch his dog was one of the most disgusting and heartless things I have ever seen in my life.

Difficulty saying "NO"- I have already told everyone this 1000x. I am always afraid that I'm going to hurt someone's feelings, so I'm really bad at saying no. This is not a good trait to have and I'm working on it. I just have to remember it might hurt someone's feelings, but at least they will respect me.

Lower back problems- Empaths get lower back problems because that is where the solar plexus area is. I always thought it was due to my hips which it could be. My siblings also have hip issues that hurt the low back, but they are also all empaths. Yes, even my little brother is an empath!

Absolutely hates injustices- Haha this one hits the nail on the head. I am CONSTANTLY saying that there is NO justice to abuse victims and I cannot stand it! Why should people be able to treat others like complete fuckin garbage and be able to get away with it? I mean, God knows what these people did/do, but still something needs to be done about it.

Support underdogs- I would not say that I was "popular" in school by any means, but I always felt the need to help and support those that I felt needed it. I still support the "underdogs" to this day. People want to bully, attack, or be mean to someone else, I'm going to defend the person. I might be an introvert, but once you piss me off I don't hold back.

Free-spirited- I have always been pretty free-spirited and done my own thing. I have NEVER been a follower and never will be. I never drank or did because it never interested me. I just do what I enjoy. For example, sharing this blog. A lot of people tell me that they would never have it within themselves to share all of that stuff, but as for me I don't really care. It makes me happy to write and I could really careless if people think I'm crazy for sharing it all. I love to travel. My favorite thing after my family and food is traveling. I want to travel the entire world. When I get marries I want to take a year off of work and just do nothing but travel.

Targeted by emotionally weak people- Well this one is pretty self explanatory. YES, my ex was a narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath and these people are extremely emotionally weak. I wasn't sure if you guys knew that my abuser was a narc. They actually have the emotional capacity of a young child, so when and if you communicate with them you have to talk to them at that level. FACTUAL!

Driven to spend time in nature- I think the biggest reason I get crabby when it's shitty out is because I cannot go outside and do anything. The reason I want to move to Arizona or Nevada is because I enjoy hiking, biking, and outdoor activities. I hate the cold and I work all summer, so I cant do any of those things year round. Once I'm healed I will move away to a more scenic environment.

Easily manipulated by others- Another one that's pretty obvious. I am very easily manipulated. Not a good trait to have, but I'm working on it.

Too generous- It is said that empathic people don't know the limits when it comes to kindness and having a big heart. It's definitely easy to get taken advantage of as a empath, but I enjoy being generous. When I am kind or helpful to someone else it makes me happy. I also actually enjoy giving presents more than receiving them. Don't get me wrong, I love presents, but I just thoroughly enjoy seeing people get excited over something I got them. I bought my mom and dad Cher tickets for Christmas and I was so excited to give them to them because I knew how excited my mom would be. My entire family is this way though.

Confidential person- It is often said that empaths hear things like "I've never told anyone this before" or "I don't know why I'm telling you this." I have heard this more times than I can count. Actually, Dick said this to me before and I still keep in private even with how shitty he has been to me!

Knowing- Empaths know stuff before even being told. I can literally see someone and know they have something to tell me before they even mention it.

Others want to unload their problems on you- This is very, very true. People have always come to me for help or strangers will even tell me their life story. It doesn't bother me though because I do the same thing sometimes and I also want to be a life coach. I really enjoy helping people with their problems.

Addictive personality- Like I have said before I don't drink or do drugs, but I think this is one of the reasons why. My dad is a recovering alcoholic of 24 years and I know I have a similar personality to him. I was addicted to my abuser and I also have an addiction to food. I am a huge foodie, like food literally makes me happy. I book my vacations around food. I went to New York just for a giant milkshake. Food addictions are 100% real, anyone that knows my grandpa knows he was a food addict. I actually have cut peanut butter out of my diet now for almost a month. I wanted to go 30 days to see if it broke the addiction. It's been almost 30 days, but I still crave peanut butter the same.

Drawn to healing- I am definitely drawn to healing. I love going to my life coach and support group. I do a lot of stuff outside of those places to heal too.

Find it impossible to do things they don't enjoy- This is so true, just ask my friends. If I don't enjoy something I will not do it. I just cant. I would rather be sleeping then doing something I don't enjoy.

Strives for the truth- This is HUGE for me, like I literally cannot stand liars. Ask any of my ex's! I will freak out if I'm lied to. It is also impossible for me to lie. My friend was talking to me the other day ago and he's like "You're just not a liar. You've never been a liar. I can't even think of one lie that you've ever told." I could never even lie to my parents. For example, my mom knew when I wasn't a virgin anymore. That's definitely not something comfortable to talk about, but if someone asks me a question it's impossible for me to not give them the truth. That's why I was not embarrassed to share my story because every personal embarrassing thing in it I had already told my family. It gives me a disgusting feeling to even think lying. (I just noticed I was making a disgusting face while writing this hahaha!) I could go on all day about liars. They disgust me!

Always looking for answers and knowledge- I have always looked for answer and I ALWAYS need an answer. I think this is one of the biggest reasons I have done so much research on narcissism. I needed an answer as to why my abuser is so fucked up. I am this way with anything though. My friends and I would always joke because if we didn't know something I was always such a freak about having to know the answer that I would say, "Let me text my mom." My mom can always answer any question. If she doesn't know the answer she researches it until she knows. She always has to know the answers too.

Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating- HAHA I'm just going to say being an empath is the reason I carry extra weight in my belly. I don't think it is though like because I like to eat a lot. This might be the case for someone else though.

Good listener- I hope I'm a good listener. Since getting out of my abusive relationship I feel like I talk a lot. I think it's because for so long I was silenced that I feel like I finally have my voice back. I like to listen to peoples problems though, so I'm just going to hope that I do a good job at listening.

Will not buy secondhand items- I have never liked buying second hand items. Honestly, I don't even like wearing other peoples clothes. I will wear my sisters, but that's about it. It is said that empaths can feel the energy of the previous owners which is why they won't. I cannot even explain why I won't I just don't like it.

Can appear moody, shy, aloof, or disconnected- It is said that empaths can easily have mood swings if they have taken on too much negative energy from someone which will make them miserable. I know that I was ALWAYS miserable while dating my abuser. Everyone would always tell me that I don't have to take on his problems, but that's easier said than done. I can definitely look moody, shy, or disconnected, but I don't think I'm a mean person at all. If you see me someplace please feel free to come and say hi even if I don't know you because I most likely will not do so first, but I love meeting new people.

Wear their heart of their sleeves- This is very true for all the empaths I know. When I love someone I love them hard. It takes a TON of work and energy for me to finally be able to leave a relationship and I will give my all to someone. My shortest relationship was with Dick and that was a little over 2.5 years. As shitty as he was it was very hard for me to finally give up on him.

Those feelings aren't going anywhere- It's very hard for an empath to just give up on the way they feel and most likely the way they feel are not going to change.

Easily hurt- My feelings easily get hurt because I am so sensitive. I have talked about this a lot with my sister and a little bit with my abusers ex girlfriend. Dick's ex girlfriend told me that the abuse didn't get as bad with her as it did me and we both agreed its because she knew when enough was enough. I think he hurt me more because I let him break every single boundary whereas she was say, "I'm not putting up with your bullshit." So, my feelings easily got hurt!

Animals and children are attracted to you- I think this is super true. I have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS loved children and animals which I think is why they are drawn to me. I'm my 4 nephews favorite, at least that's what I'm going to tell myself haha! In the past I wanted to own a nursing home, a daycare, and an animal shelter. Somehow I ended up with a hotdog stand hahah! I want 4-6 children and I also want to adopt. I know, people think I'm crazy. I just feel like that's my calling in life. I do not see a better life than being a mother.

Nurturing and Caring- I think I'm pretty nurturing and caring. I feel like its a natural instinct to me. Even when my cousins were little I always wanted to be taking care of them and holding them. I also feel like as my grandparents get older it's my job to help take care of them. In all of my relationships I think I've taken on some "motherly roles" and I don't intentionally do it. I'm sure it gets quite annoying to them!

Easily moved to tears because of deep feeling- It's crazy to say, but when I get really mad I cry. I will also cry if I get woke up and if I throw up. I have super strong feelings towards being woke up, I really, really hate it., so yes I will cry when I get work up. I know, I'm weird. I also strongly hate throwing up, but I stopped crying around age 22ish because I had an eating disorder and would throw up every weekend. I have also woke myself up from crying in my sleep from nightmares. My nightmares have gotten worse, so I normally have nightmares every night.

Music and harmony are very important- Music can literally change my mood. If I'm angry or sad I can listen to music and it makes me happy.

Easily affected by the weather- Well I already sad how this is affecting me. I've have been wanting to write this blog for like 3 days, but I've been too lazy to do anything.

Watching certain movies can be unbearable- This is so true. I absolutely HATE scary movies. Larry always use to make up watch them and I literally had panic attacks. They make me really angry. When I have a panic attack I uncontrollably cry and shake and there is absolutely no stopping it.

These are some characteristics of empaths, but obviously not all of them. These ones fit my life in some way of another. A lot these are reasons why I am choosing to not have a boyfriend at the moment. I have a hard time saying no to people and I don't want to get into another situation like I was in, in the past. I am also still easily manipulated and until that gets better I cannot let someone into my life at that level. When I love someone I go all out and I put them before myself, and at the moment I need to put myself first. I have my own issues to take care of and cannot handle taking care of someone else's on that level. I know without a doubt I will too because that's how I have always been. I also strive for the truth and with being lied to by Dick for so long it can be hard for me to trust people when on an intimate level. I know I will trust someone from the start, but I can easily lose that trust because of the past and I don't want to put that on someone or feel that way again. I know that I get too attached to people too quickly and I am taking the steps to not do that right now by avoiding relationships. I have been in long term relationships since I was 15 years old with the longest break being a year and right now I just want to focus on myself. I also have very bad anxiety and I don't want to be pressured into doing things I don't care to do. I also do not feel comfortable around a lot of people. The only men I genuinely feel comfortable with are my family, my bestfriend who's a gay guy, and Larry and Arthur. Those are the ONLY men that know everything about me and I feel comfortable enough around to say "NO" to something I'm not good at.

When I decide I want to date again I am going to take more precautionary steps. I will not lower my standards to fit in someone else's life, as I have done in the past. I will find someone that enjoys the same things as me. I do not like drinking or drugs, so I will not be looking for someone who does those things. I will also need to be with someone who takes the time to understand me, but is also very patient. I cannot explain the amount of trauma that I have been through via a computer which is why I will be looking for a genuine, patient person. I will also not date someone who is a people pleaser or a follower. My abuser is the biggest follower known to earth and I cannot stand it. Be true to yourself and don't just say shit because you think it's what I want to hear. That's annoying and fake! If you do not fit my morals or standards then you just don't fit in my life, sorry! I also will not date someone who says shit like, "what types of things do you like," and then does those exact things. That's just trying too hard and no honey you don't like writing and powerlifting all of the sudden. If you are known for cheating and lying in the past then stay away from me because I have no interest at all in having you in my life. Sorry, but liars and cheaters don't change. Go ahead and try and change my mind on that one, it won't work! If you want to come into my life and tell me how you ex is "crazy" then also be ready to give me an explanation as to why. I'm done believing men or women for that matter, that say their ex is "crazy," but they are fucking around on them. Also, I have trust issues, I'm not looking for a man that likes trillions of girls selfie pictures, like grow up you look pathetic sir. My ex cheated on me through social media multiple times and brought women to his house, so no not looking for that! Also, I'm not looking for a man that's texting a shit ton of women, and honestly I don't think any woman is. I will also not be with someone who has slept with the entire town or makes fun of people. You must have your own insecurities if you need to hurt others and I don't want that in my life. As for sleeping with the whole town, I don't give a shit who you sleep with, but I don't want that in my life. I will also not date someone who makes "sly posts" about me on social media. My abuser did that constantly throughout our relationship. I can say I NEVER posted anything about my ex's on social media until I came out with my abuse story and that I will continue to share because abuse needs to be put to an end. If you have something to say to me though, say it to me don't fucking post it on social media through a meme. I have tons of things that I will look for and expect when I decide to get in a relationship, which is why I'm not looking to be in one at the moment. I could go on for days, but I think I made my point pretty strong.

Being an empath is not always a good thing as you can see from what I have wrote above, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love unconditionally and I forever will. We can easily get take advantage of and hurt, but that's why I'm learning to put up boundaries. I'm sorry if you think I'm rude, I'm really not I just don't start conversations. Feel free to come up to me or message me whenever you want! Also, remember I'm an introvert, so don't get offended if I don't want to hang out or I don't text back that's just how I am. Also, I rarely ever snapchat, so don't feel bad when I don't respond back. I don't respond to anyone!

Oh, I cant believe I almost forget this! If you're messaging me and you have a wife or a girlfriend you're a piece of shit. Stand up and be the man they need or step aside so someone can do it for you. If you message me and you have a girlfriend or a wife I WILL tell them and I will be 100% honest about the shit you say. I've been cheated on, I know how it feels, and I do not accept it! So quit being an asshole!