Steps in Recovery

I haven’t wrote anything in a about a week, so I thought I would update everyone who reads my blogs!

Lately, I have been very busy getting ready for my season to open at Lefty’s. I had to make a website, new menus, and finish my books. I still have other things to finish, but I have been kind of lazy. I have to take my BRAND NEW trailer to Tennessee and Georgia to get some warranty work done, so it has been a lot of back and forth with the companies to get it in before my season starts. I would highly NOT recommend the company I bought my trailer through as they have terrible customer service skills. Anyways, that a whole other story!

I have been really keeping to myself and relaxing the past few weeks and it was definitely what I needed lately. I have been doing a ton of reading and also decluttering. I’m a very organized person to the point that my closet is color coordinated, so if things are messy it really bothers me.

I keep learning a ton of information from the books I’m reading. It’s crazy because I have NEVER been more interested in anything in my life than I am about personality types, personality disorders, and trauma. I think that’s why I have been so to myself lately because I have been reading so much! I just finished a book called “Psychopath Free” and have started one called “Healing from Hidden Abuse.”

In the book, “Healing from Hidden Abuse” it explains the 6 steps of recovering from a psychopathic relationship. Now, I am not finished with the book, but until this point I didn’t even know there was an actual structured healing system that people go through when recovering from psychopathic individuals. Everyone always told me that I was moving really fast in my healing process since I am only 4.5ish months in and it normally takes 12/18-24 months, but I never really new what point I was really at. Being someone that loves structure, I have been reading so many books about recovery looking for somewhat of a timeline to see where I was at, so this book has been perfected.

In the book it explains the steps in detail, but I will list what the steps are below and how I went through some of them.

Despair- This was the beginning step when I was in total confusion of what had just happened over the past 2.5 years. I was in shock and honestly didn’t even know I was being abused. I felt hopeless and like I was never going to get my life back together. Thankfully, my aunt/mentor pushed me along immediately.

Education- I have been educating myself for over a year. I mentioned this way back in my beginning blog that my abusers ex had referred to my abuser as a “narcissist,” so I have been googling for a long time. However, I have done so much more research and still do. It is SO helpful in healing.

Awakening- This step might seem crazy because it did to me at first, but it’s so true. I feel after a very traumatic event people’s lives change in some way or another. My life has changed for the better. Something changed inside me where I wanted to become a better person and work on not being a judgmental person. I became aware of some of my old bad habits and I work on changing them every day. Some of my friends have started to change and I have been becoming closer and closer with people who are also on healing journeys. I have been more meaning in my life to the point that I don’t want to make small talk. I want meaningful, educational conversations. My intuition is getting stronger and I’m more trusting of my gut instincts when I know something is wrong or someone isn’t a good person. My creativity has increased through my blogs and also at home with my vision boards and reorganizing. I realized I am extremely empathetic person and without knowing that it can be dangerous! The biggest awakening I had was my career. I love Lefty’s, but it’s not my passion. I always knew I wanted to help people, but I never knew I which way. I wanted to own a nursing home, a gym, a daycare, and an animal shelter. This entire situation has made me realize that I want to become a life coach and help others who are struggling with things that I have been through. I have ALWAYS been attracted to people that that need help and they are also attracted to me. It’s CRAZY! I think I have found my calling out of this situation and at this point in my life I know who I truly am as a person.

Boundaries- Boundaries is definitely a step I am still working on in my recovery process. I am becoming so much more aware of what boundaries need to be set, but it is a work in progress to not let people get past them. I am the type of person that would rather have my feelings hurt than hurt someone else’s. Thankfully, I realized this now, so I can keep working on it. In my abuse class we also work on being assertive, something else I am not very great at. I think that is something we are taught throughout our childhood as we are products of our environment. Setting boundaries are a work in progress, but I’m doing it so that I don’t end up in another situation like this.

Restoration- I have been working on this step for a while, but I think it will be a journey. My life will never be back to the way it once was, but I don’t want it to be that way anyways. I have peace in my life and that took me 3.5 months to get back. There are obviously days where it is still ups and downs, but that’s very normal coming from a situation of constant trauma.

Maintenance- I think this is the stage that I am just entering. I am bettering my life, but also finding ways to keep the balance and peace within it. I feel as I continue to educate myself and set boundaries it will be must easier to keep the constant steadiness.

I feel I have hit all of these steps in some way or another. I will continue to work on all of them, so that I can keep the maintenance stage. When I say this situation was a blessing in disguise, I truly mean it. I am so much happier and healthier than I have been probably EVER. I found my calling in life, but I also can use what I know and have learned to help educate others on social media. Just a reminder that I have an abuse Facebook and Instagram page that anyone is able to join. The Facebook page has a private group where victims talk about what they have been through and how they are healing. The page is Empowered Abuse Victims and Survivors and Empowered Survivors. I hope these pages can help to educate others just as similar pages had helped me while coming out of my situation.

The last thing I want to talk about is a thought I had the other night ago. My anxiety has been bad lately. I am not totally sure why, but I’m sure from the stress of opening my business for the season. Anyways, when my anxiety is bad I have a lot of nightmares and also crazy, unrealistic thoughts. However, I am not going to explain the unrealistic thoughts, but I am going to talk about something else I thought about when I was trying to go to bed the other night ago.

The other night ago I was laying there thinking about how my life is so much different now than it was 4.5 months ago. I was looking at the differences from then and now and thought, “What is one word to describe the situation I lived in for 2.5 years?” The first word I thought of was “traumatizing.” My life for 2.5years was pure traumatizing. I was looking back at my Christmas this year and I thought was, that this Christmas just relaxing and enjoyable. There was no fights, I didn’t have to be uncomfortable that I was going to get yelled at that my abuser didn’t get my a present because we weren’t getting along or that he was uncomfortable around all my family. In other words, the attention wasn’t on him and he didn’t like it. I also looked back at my vacation to Aruba. It was the first vacation in years that I could just relax and lay there and not have to worry about anyone besides my nephews. I didn’t have to worry if my ex was happy or not or if he was too bored. Lastly, on Sunday I was at my cousin’s girlfriend’s baby shower. When I got home I said to my mom that was the first time I could just sit there at an event and not be completely anxiety ridden that I was going to upset my abuser for not being home or not answering my texts. I sat my phone on the table and I walked away without hesitation, a feeling I haven’t felt in such a long time.

Looking back I realize how traumatizing my life was, but I now see how joyful and peaceful it has become. Things you never realized before you start to realize and the happiness comes little by little. I’m so happy to finally be in this situation! I found the positive in a negative situation and so can you!

2 of my boys and I relaxing on vacation