Update On MY Healing

I have tried to write this blog like 4x now and it keeps getting deleted, so I'm going to try again. I realized I haven't talked much about my healing lately, so I'm going to start with that. I have been out of my shit relationship for almost 4 months now and I feel better than ever. I literally feel like a totally different person. I'm happier and more motivated to do things. I don't feel drained like I use to, besides sometimes from the weather. It's crazy to think that's how my life was though when I dated one of the greatest "motivational speakers" known to earth. Overall, I feel great and mentally stronger than I have ever been.

I still go to my life coach every week and also my abuse class. I am surrounded by women who motivate me, have been through hell and back, and can also relate to me on a very high level. I am content spending time by myself and also with close friends. I have been reading a lot still and I'm learning more and more and various different things.

I have been debating about going back to school for psychology to learn more about the brain, but I think I have decided against it. First, I hate school and don't feel like sitting at a desk all day, but more importantly I want to teach from experience. Don't get me wrong, I think counseling is a wonderful job, but I think you have to find one that relates to you and has also experienced what you are struggling with. I don't know anything about alcoholism and drug addictions, so I wouldn't feel right teaching someone based on only knowledge I have learned from a book.

My counselor and I did not click. He never dated a sociopath like I did, so he couldn't relate to me. He could teach me based on what he was taught in school, but trust me honey you know NOTHING until you've actually dealt with one or dated a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. No amount of schooling can teach you how to deal with one of those types of people, only experience can. I don't need a fucking definition of a narcissist; I can look that up in a book myself. I don't think counseling is bad at all, I am actually on a waiting list to meet with a new one that has been abused herself, however you just have to find the right one to connect with. If something doesn't feel right or you get a bad vibe, leave that counselor and find a new one!

These are basically why I have decided against going back to school because I would rather only work with people that I relate to on a high level. I also want to become a coach because I don't feel anyone can get over this type of person without extra help or a mentor. I tried to ignore my issues after my first bad relationship and it only got me into a worse situation with Dick, hence the reason I am so BIG on life coaches.

I have contacted a company to become certified in life coaching. Hopefully, by next year I can start helping people based on the things I have experienced. Until then though, I am going to continue to work on myself and healing.

OH, I almost forgot something very important about my healing! My powerlifting coach told me he wants me to sign up for a meet. I told him I wasn't sure and that I would get back to him because things like that make me want to puke. I hate being watched, especially when I'm lifting. Today, I went to my life coach and she always asks me the question, "What do you think you are comfortable working on for next time?" Each week we come up with something I have to do to make me feel more confident and make me mentally stronger. I brought up the idea of the powerlifting competition that my coach wants me to do and she asked some questions about it. She then said, "On a scale of 1-10 how bad do you think you need to do this for you mental health." I responded, "8, it makes me nervous, but I know I have to do things to get out of my comfort zone." She responded, "Then you can tell your coach that your other coach says you are in for doing a powerlifting competition." So, from the looks of it I will be doing a powerlifting competition on my birthday. I also hope my powerlifting coach is ready to clean up puke from when I have an anxiety attack ha-ha! I hope he reads this blog! That is about all with my healing at this time though!

I want to talk about another issue that came up today. I am not sure if anyone saw the news report on the "online fitness coach" that scammed a bunch of women, but I have been following her for years. About a year ago or maybe even longer I remember lying on the coach and I was reading her posts. She was going through a divorce because she had an emotional affair on her husband. I remember saying to my mom, "I don't believe any of the shit this girl says. She wants to preach to the world that she empowering other women and a Christian, yet she cheats on her husband." I also remember telling my mom she reminded me exactly of Dick and that I feel like I can’t trust any of these people I once followed on social media because they just bullshit people. A lot of them are fitness gurus. Anyways, as of lately this girl has got caught for her bullshit and called out.

This girl could get in a lot of legal trouble and honestly I am glad this girl got caught for her bullshit. You can’t go around fucking people over and thinking you will get away with it forever. The same exact thing is going to happen to Dick, it’s just a matter of time. I watched this girls “apology video” and I could just tell how fake and insincere her apology was. It was basically like poor me, poor me. The same exact thing my abuser always did. Not only that, but she also kept saying “I take full responsibility,” that’s something my abuser said to me multiple times a week. You can say whatever you want, but if your actions don’t add up to what you’re saying then you really are not taking responsibility for what you did. This girl and Dick are both very similar, you can just tell by listening to the girl that she’s a narcissist and it makes me sick. She even shared her story on the news and you can tell she's only doing it for more attention not because she's truly sorry. Remember, to these people bad attention is better than no attention! The reason these people make me sick is because innocent people actually look up to these individuals for help in their own lives, but the only things these individuals are doing is making money off people by scamming them and telling them bullshit things that they want to hear. Seriously though, who the fuck preys on people who are in need of help? That is just disgusting, but anyways I'll talk a little bit more about my life coaching from today.

I talked to my coach about how I feel I’m getting a lot better at being able to see people for who they really are, but I’m still not great at it. She said, “How old were you when your dad stopped drinking?” I said, “I think I was 3. I never remember him drinking.” She said, “People who grow up in addict households are usually more intuitive. You’re able to sense energy and feelings as soon as you walk in a room or just by seeing someone.” I said, “My family definitely has very addictive personalities. My dad is addicted to food and so are my sister and I. My grandpa actually died because of that reason, but I just felt everyone could feel the tension or energy in a room.” She said, “No, the reason people who come from addict households can sense it better is because at a young age they get use to reading someone just by looking at them because normally addictions are brushed off, not talked about, or hidden.” It makes a ton of sense because my family never talked about the food addictions in our family until recently, we always just ignored it. She also said that being an empath and learning that sense will only get stronger. It’s very interesting the things I learn from her every time I go and I hope you guys find it helpful and interesting too. That’s about all I have for now until I finish my “Psychopath Free” book and my books on trauma.

Also, remember males and females that are dealing with narcissists or those types of people that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. If you are fairly fresh out of a relationship or your abuser doesn’t have control over you anymore they are going to try and make you jealous with their new supply. They will probably post pictures and post shit on Facebook. Just remember it’s all a game and for attention. They don’t really love those people and they never will. They did the same type of shit when they were with you. Don’t feel bad because they will never change. These people are physically wired differently and they are sick! You are in a much better place now and you will find true, pure love! Be thankful you are away from those types of people. If you are spending Valentine’s Day alone appreciate how peaceful it is because we all know that a holiday with a narcissist was ALWAYS horrible in some way or another.